This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
