Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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