We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
