In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize