oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
