Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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