Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
