if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize