yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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