On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
time to smoke my breakfast
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
