That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I got inside last night via doggy door
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
