You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
