I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
