just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
