he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
