I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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