we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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