Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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