I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
