We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Randomize
