Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
