You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
