i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
