Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
