One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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