I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
