one two three fourrrrnication!
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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