At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
