careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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