gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
