i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
