My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
