I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
