You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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