I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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