I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
