YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
How's work?
Spinning.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
