woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
