I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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