i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
