I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
