Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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