U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
