Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
