Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
