News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Send help, water and tortillas.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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