I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
