he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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