I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
