Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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