I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
