paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Floor bacon is actually really good
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
