well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I have feelings that need drinking.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
