i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
