then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
