Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
