just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
