its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
