Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
