You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
