Can Purell be used as lube?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
