Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
