His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
