I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
My sheets look like a crime scene.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
