I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
