We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
