I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He? As in you personified your dick?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
